If you identify as LGBTQ+ , are based in Britain or Northern Ireland and have read and agree to follow our guidelines, then you are welcome to complete a pen pal form, and we will try and find you a penpal match.

We are looking for people who are non-judgmental, good communicators and reliable (i.e. can commit to writing at least once per month). So you don’t need any particular experiences - just a willingness to be open and to commit to the project. You'll probably find that your own life experiences will help you write to your penpal, and offer mutual support, friendship and solidarity.

Being a Bent Bars penpal is only open to people who identify in some way as LGBT, queer or gender non-conforming. This is because penpals on the inside are looking for specific support and solidarity in terms of issues such as coming out, or experiences of homophobia. We're really pleased that you'd like to support the Bent Bars Project though, and if you'd like to help out in other ways please get in touch.

The Bent Bars Project is based in Britain and Northern Ireland and due to the additional cost of international postage and longer time delays, writing to an international penpal is not something everyone inside is happy or able to do.

So usually we are unable to match people from abroad, although there may be other groups we can connect you with. For example, there is the Prisoner Correspondence Project in Canada, and Black & Pink in the USA.

We aim to match penpals within a few months. However, it can longer depending on our capacity. Please bear in mind that we are an entirely volunteer-run project.

Also if you have very particular requirements about who you are willing to write to, it will probably take longer, and in some cases we might not be able to find you a pen pal at all.

You do not need to use your home address. We encourage new penpals to start by using the Bent Bars PO Box to write to your penpal.

When you send a letter to your penpal, just put your full name, c/o BB Project, PO Box 66754, London, WC1A 9BF as the return address.

When your penpal writes back, their letter will come to us and we will then forward the post to you.

Please bear in mind that this process does take a bit longer than writing directly using your own address. The Bent Bars organising collective is only able to check the mail about once per week, so we forward mail on a weekly basis.

Once you have built up a sense of trust with your penpal, you may then decide to use your own address for direct correspondence. It's completely up to you and just depends on what you (and any potential housemates) feel most comfortable with.

Try beginning by saying a bit about yourself, your interests, and why you wanted to be a penpal. Ask questions about what your penpal is interested in, what they'd like to get from the penpal project etc.

It's also good to check if there's anything they don't want you to write about or receive information about. Don't worry if it takes a bit of time to get going and build up a relationship - as with any friendship, you'll probably find you have lots to write about once you've got to know each other better.

Important note: When sending your letter, don’t forget to include the prisoner number on the envelope, otherwise it may not arrive. Please make sure you also include a return address (either your own address or the Bent Bars PO Box address), as most prisons will not accept mail from unidentified senders.

It's up to you how often you want to write, but we ask that you write at least once per month.

The main thing is to be upfront with your penpal about how often you can write, so you don’t build up expectations that you can’t fulfil. If you are finding it hard to write, you don’t need to write loads; it is better to write a short letter, card or postcard than to never finish that epic long letter you've been meaning to write.

If you're feeling guilty about having not written for a while, just get in touch with a short letter letting them know you haven't forgotten. If things in your life have changed and you really don't have time to write anymore then please just get in touch with us at Bent Bars and let us know so we can re-match the inside penpal.

Ask your penpal what is ok to write. Be aware that just because they have written to you about their gender/sexuality doesn't mean it’s safe for you to write back referring to this in detail. Mail is often screened more on the way into prisons than coming out.

Please don't 'out' your penpal by writing anything on the envelope that would identify them as LGBTQ+, as this will be seen by mail room staff, and possibly other prisoners.

Likewise please exercise care if you are sending something from an LGBTQ+ organisation.

If your penpal has told you that they go by a name that isn't their legal name, please ask before you use this on the envelope, as this could 'out' them as transgender/genderqueer, (and the letter might not get to them if they do not have permission to use this name).

Unfortunately, there are many problems with mail going missing in the prison system, so it is very possible that your penpal didn’t receive your last letter or maybe their letter didn’t get through to you.

However, there are many other reasons why you might not hear from your penpal. People in prison can be transferred or even released unexpectedly with very short notice, and would not have time to let their penpal know.

Prisoners may also stop writing if they are facing problems within prison or are having a difficult time.

If your penpal has been transferred to a different prison, hopefully they will still have your address (or the PO Box address), and will get in touch again once they are settled.
If you think your penpal has been transferred in England or Wales, but you don’t know where, you can also try locating them through the Ministry of Justice Prisoner Location Service. Just bear in mind the process is quite slow. https://bit.ly/2U4buoL

Either way, we recommend that you write again to your penpal. Please keep Bent Bars updated with what's going on - as we like to keep track of how the penpal matches are going. If you haven't heard from your penpal and would like to be matched up again, please let us know.

We do not ask inside penpals to disclose why they are in prison, and we do not ask inside or outside penpals to give any personal information they do not want to give.

We feel that prisoners already experience a huge amount of surveillance and invasion of their privacy, and we do not want to add to this.

Often people in prison asking for a Bent Bars penpal will not be receiving any support from friends, family or fellow prisoners, and will be vulnerable in prison.

The Bent Bars Collective believes in supporting all prisoners, regardless of their charge or conviction. We take this approach because we recognise that the reasons why people end up in prison are complex and we are not in a position to judge.

We also recognise that the prison system disproportionately targets people who already face inequality, discrimination and oppression.

This is not to excuse the serious harms that some people have committed; rather, it is to recognise that giving up on people or reducing them to their conviction is not a successful strategy for accountability and healing.

The Bent Bars Collective is committed to anti-violence work and believes that such work requires us to break the cycles of violence rather than perpetuate them through practises of isolation and marginalisation.

Although Bent Bars supports all prisoners who contact us, you don't personally have to write to anyone you do not feel comfortable with. We feel it is important to respect everyone’s boundaries.

If, for whatever reason, your penpal discloses information and don't feel happy continuing, that is your decision to make. However, we ask that you end the writing relationship thoughtfully and carefully. Please get in touch with us if you need support around this.

We advise you not to ask your penpal why they are in prison, and to wait and see if this is something they feel comfortable sharing. Especially when you are first writing, you will not have built up trust with them, and they may see the question as intrusive or judgemental.

This is a decision that is entirely up to you, depending on what you feel comfortable with.

On the one hand, sending money can sometimes be really helpful to people inside, given the reality of the limited resources they have. If penpals on the outside can afford to do that, it can be a good thing.

On the other hand, we know that that sending in money can sometimes create weird power dynamics, or create expectations that can't be fulfilled.

At the end of the day, you will know your penpal better than we do, so if you think if will be helpful and is unlikely to create any issues, please go ahead. But if you feel concerned about it, then feel free to say no.

Please let us know if you are having problems, or are concerned about your penpal, and we'll offer any advice and support that we can.

Bent Bars is about solidarity, mutual support and making links across prison walls. You are not expected to take on all the problems of your penpal, and you aren't at all obliged to support someone with something you are finding too difficult. It's ok to set boundaries and limits, and to tell your penpal that there are certain topics you find too much to deal with etc.

If you have made a good effort and don’t think it’s working out with your penpal, that’s totally fine. Just let us know. We can then try to find you both a new penpal.

You may want to write a letter to your penpal, gently explaining that you are not going to be writing anymore, but that you wish them all the best.

If you don’t feel comfortable writing to tell them, then please let us know and we'll write to them instead.

For privacy and confidentiality reasons we cannot share a list of our members inside prison. We also don’t send one-off letters; our project is about building friendships and longer-term relationships of solidarity and connection.

Normally we are not able to meet these kinds of requests but you are welcome to send us the details of your project and we will consider it.